Why I Recently Stopped Focusing On Self-Improvement

Let’s faced it, we are all becoming so self-absorbed.

The Western world is so self-help craze — the imperative to perform and be flexible and optimise yourself all the time has become pathological.

We want to avoid pain at all cost. We’ve become so obsessed with looking inward and trying to achieve our ideas, that it’s actually making us less equipped to be a human on the outside.

You know — the type that’s actually connected to other people.

There’s this notion we’re supposed to be happy all the time, which — turns out, is a hard thing to do when you’re constantly being told you can do and be better, and more positive, and more productive. It’s almost like self-help isn’t always… that helpful.

So, what are the alternative options for those feeling self-optimisation fatigue?

What’s The Problem With Focusing on Self-Optimisation?

It’s a process without end. You can never say, “Now I’ve realised my full potential. Now I am actually the best version of myself.”

Of course, it’s part of the human condition that we strive for things. But, if we’re only okay as long as we are striving, moving, developing, then we’re never okay.

Then we can never really say to ourselves, “Well, I do something valuable. I lead a meaningful life. I don’t have to strive to become someone else over time.” It’s quite dangerous. The main thought of a depressed person is, “I’m not good enough, I can never be good enough, it’s my own fault why I’m not good enough.”

The frightening fact is that the depressed person is actually right.

He or she is actually interpreting society’s message to the individual correctly. We’ve never allowed to be happy and satisfied, both what we are and what we do.

Feeling Negative Emotions is Actually Good

Feeling bad is actually good. It’s rational to feel anxiety when there’s something to fear.

It’s rational to feel depressed when something awful has happened to you, or if you have been under a lot of pressure for a long time. The depression is the organism’s way of reacting, withdrawing, and perhaps metaphorically recharging the batteries.

But now, there’s so much pressure in modern society to perform and to be productive, to be efficient, that we don’t have this time to recharge.

We tend to pathologise these kinds of sadness or losses of energy.

How Do You Reconcile Ambition With Relentless Self-Improvement?

In our Western world, we are obsessed with being ourselves, with being authentic, with being unique, but this struggle to find yourself is, in many ways, tragic.

What if you finally find yourself and discovered that you’re just a boring, average, quite nasty, mean person? Well, then it isn’t very good to be yourself. It’s much better to strive to imitate someone like Nelson Mandela.

I would rather try to be him.

When I’m in doubt I will ask myself, “What would Mandela do?” I think that’s a more important question than asking myself, “What would the real me do?” I don’t care what the real me would do.

What Practices Can You Do Instead?

It’s very important to be interested in something beyond yourself. In my case — it could be something like philosophy, art, or science.

It could be cars, football, or whatever. Go into the world instead of staring into yourself. Try not to be obsessed with happiness. You have this happiness imperative: Life is being happy. It’s ridiculous. Who said that happiness is all about that?

No one knows what happiness is.

I believe it’s important to pursue valuable and meaningful activities. Then, if you do something meaningful — you’ll often feel a kind of happiness, but more as a side effect than as something you can try to pursue directly.

It doesn’t make sense to pursue happiness directly.

Very often what it gives you meaning is something you discover rather than something you choose. This happiness industry, the most common slogan is “Happiness is a choice.” Which is a lie because your happiness — whatever it is depends on so many factors that you cannot really control.

Bottom line

Life is an endless series of problems. The solution to one problem is merely the creation of another. Our struggles give us meaning and determine our successes.

Don’t just sit there. Do something. The answer will follow.

Don’t hope for a life without problems, hope for a life of good problems.