Why Do We Constantly Emotionally Abuse Ourselves?
Hey friends,
Do you often beat yourself up when you make mistakes? If you are like me, you have a terrible habit of putting yourself down. The thing is, putting yourself can be damaging to your self-esteem and confidence.
So what do we keep doing it to ourselves?
For me, I constantly talk negatively towards myself because of this idea I have to be perfect. Putting so much pressure on myself to not make mistakes, take risks or do anything challenging. But those negative thoughts have long-term consequences. I’ve learned Negative thoughts and words are can be very believable and they distort your perception about yourself.
When you talk negatively about yourself to others, the words have a greater effect. And, you’re making it easier for others to put you down.
Why Do We Put Ourselves Down Constantly
I put myself down because I’m insecure and have low self-esteem. Since I was a small child, I believed that I’m not worthy. I’m not sure where that came from, might be my childhood and how I was raised, it may be a coping mechanism.
I’m used to saying “I can’t”, “I don’t have talent”, “I’m ugly” “I’m dumb” or “I’m useless”. It’s like a repeated tv channel on my brain and hard to change the channel or turn it off. In the past, others have put me down but I keep continuing it. It’s better to put yourself down before anyone does it.
Putting anyone down, including yourself is emotional bullying.
If a friend of yours was getting emotionally bullied; you wouldn’t put up with it, so why do it to yourself? It seems like we have a double standard and treat others better than we treat ourselves. It’s not okay to put anyone down, and that includes yourself.
How Do We Stop Putting Ourselves Down?
It starts with recognising you can’t control what others say about you but you can control what you say about yourself.
Paying attention to when your inner critic starts to take over. Be present in those moments where you find yourself questioning every single decision you make or feeling like nothing you do is good enough. To build self-esteem, it’s important to talk to yourself in a healthy manner. Believing you are worthy and quit the self-bullying.
Treat yourself as you would a good friend and respect yourself. Replace negative words with positive words. For example, you could say “I’m capable” or “I’m learning”, instead of saying, “I’m dumb” or “I’m useless”.
Words can make a big difference.
I've learned to avoid using negative words such as “can’t and should". They are dis-empowering and it’s better than the alternatives when you can.
Catching Your Negative thoughts
It took me a long time to learn that its very important to pay attention to your negative self talk; catch your negative thoughts or words early.
Mindfulness meditation
Awareness through mindfulness meditation is very important and it empowers you to make changes. Notice and detach from your negative thoughts or words, using mindfulness to correct them as much as possible. It may be a challenge to start, but it's very important to be kind to yourself daily. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t get it straight away. Change will take effort and hard-work; habits don’t change overnight.
Keep on practicing and you’ll see improvements like I did. Change your talk and will build your self-esteem.
Bottom line
After reading Dr. Carol S. Dweck’s book, “Mindset”, I’m learning to apply myself to a task, and also see failure not as a sign of stupidity but as a lack of experience and skill. That book helped me see myself in a new light. I’ve learned how to watch, control, and alter my thoughts.
I’m a work in progress and learning that I approve of myself and I feel excellent with who I am. I am capable and talented.
I am already a valuable person. I don’t need to prove anything.