Why Are So Many Men Struggling With Loneliness?

How Often Do You Check On The Men In Your Life?

Photo: cottonbro studio

Hey friends, 

According to recent studies, loneliness has reached epidemic proportions; especially for men. It is actually a fact that many men are lonely and have less than three close friends. Especially after COVID-19 made it hard for them to have regular social interactions. 

I can attest this as a young men currently struggling with this. If I’m honest, I only have like three men in my life that I would consider close friends. 

But I only have two people that I talk to on regular basic. It seems like men are lonelier than women.

But why do so many men feel isolated and friendless? 

How Do Men Overcome Loneliness And Develop Meaningful Relationships? 

From my own experience, I find making friendships as a young man really hard. I’m an introvert, I’m busy all the time (which is amazing excuse) and I suck at maintaining relationships; even personal relationships. It’s something I’m working on in therapy. 

It’s been an experience going to therapy as a man. Growing up in a family where we don’t talk about our feelings or express what we’re going through. We are taught to tackle everything that’s happening in our life without help.

I wasn’t taught the importance of building and maintaining social connections. 

Destigmatising Therapy

As a black man, we are very resistant towards therapy, especially talking about depression or anxiety. It’s even more stigmatised to go to therapy for help. It’s seen as a weakness. But when you are going through daily feelings of depression or anxiety, who do you turn to? 

It’s even harder when you feel like you don’t have anyone you can confine in.

I learned the purpose of therapy is not to remove suffering but to move through it to an enlarged consciousness that can sustain the polarity of painful opposites.

This is why I’m a big advocate for men to go to therapy. 

Male Stereotypes 

In our modern Western society, men are raised to be goal-oriented high achievers. At the same time, women are taught to build and maintain social connections.

Masculine norms teach men to be tough, brave, show no emotions; and independent from the earlier age. Due to such a mindset, most men (like myself) fear being perceived as weak or vulnerable; preventing them from reaching out to social contacts and deeply connecting with others.

Developing deep emotional relationships requires you to be vulnerable and be willing to be seen for who you are. 

Lifestyle Changes

Changes in lifestyle or circumstances, such as moving to a new city, starting a new job, or becoming a parent; can make it hard to find and maintain friendships. 

These changes can lead to a shift in priorities and reduction in available time and energy for socialising and building new relationships. This happened to me, after starting a new job, it’s been difficult to find time to social and make connections with others. 

But I know I need to be proactive in seeking out opportunities to meet new people and to be open and authentic in my relationships with others. 

Connecting With Others

I’ve learned sometimes feeling lonely makes reaching out and connecting difficult. 

As someone who struggles with platonic relationships, I know connection is essential to overcoming feelings of isolation and loneliness. Joining a sports club this year has helped me tremendously. I encouraged my male friends to join as well. I’ve learned a mutual shared interest may bridge gaps and spark conversations that might develop into meaningful relationships. 

As you connect with others in these new circles; it’s important to be open and willing to share your emotions.

Vulnerability can encourage others to reciprocate and deepen relationships. 

Bottom Line

Loneliness doesn’t have to define you as a man—there are options to overcome it. Talk to a professional with therapy; you’ll learn to identify negative, unhealthy thought and behaviour patterns that contribute to how you feel. 

From there, you’ll be empowered to build healthy, positive relationships that are mutually rewarding,

Pach Deng