The Anatomy of Focusing on Things We Can't Control or Change

The underrated power of knowing what you can or cannot control

As human beings, we worry a lot, sometimes about things we can’t control in life.

Most things in life are out of our control no matter how hard we try to control them.

It’s something that we all struggle with, we have the mindset we can control the things we cannot control. It’s an illusion that we all have as human beings. You only have control over your thoughts, how you react and respond. Everything else is uncontrollable. Too many people are unhappy because they do not accept the things or circumstances that they cannot change or have no control over.

When you let go of the need to control what cannot be controlled, life gets a whole lot more manageable.

“Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.” — Unknown

So what are some of the things that we have no control over and cannot change?

Other People’s Perception of Us

People will always have an opinion of you good or bad, no matter what you do.

You cannot please everyone, it’s impossible. People-pleasing is a never-ending cycle to unhappiness. You have to let go caring about what other people think about you.

Letting go of control is the best way to regain total control.

What people think about you is none of your business — it’s their perception of you, not yours.

Nothing good comes out of worrying about what other people might think of you in fact, it will stop you from pursuing your dreams and desires. Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay.

The sooner we stop trying to please everyone in our lives, the sooner we can be liberated and focus on our own happiness.

It’s fascinating that we love ourselves more than anything but care more about what other people think of us.

The Past

No matter what you do you cannot change the past — but you can, however, learn from it.

It’s called the past for a reason, it’s gone. Never look back because you are going to trip moving forward. Make peace with your past and focus on the present.

Let your past make you better, not bitter.

When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love — Marcus Aurelius

Use the past to build a better future, don’t let your current situation deter you from pursuing your dreams. “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” — Soren Kierkegaard

The Reality Of Death

It’s no secret that one day you will lose everyone and everything that you love.

You cannot control when and how you will die, it could literally happen at any moment. When everything is going wrong in your life, focus on the fact that you and the people in your life are alive. Practice gratitude every day.

“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” — Unknown

Be mindful of how you treat others and yourself, life is too short to worry about what you cannot control.

People Who Have Wrong Us

All of us have been hurt by someone or something in our lives. It’s part of growing up.

These wounds often hurt years after they were inflicted and many carry heavy grudges as a result. We cannot change what has happened. Even if we ger revenge which never heals our wounds, it is impossible to reverse the clock and undo the situation.

Hate and the need for retribution only weight us down and impede on our happiness.

We should accept what has transpired, learn from our past, and move on.

What Other People Do

Like it or not, we have no control over what others do. People can do whatever they like.

Their actions are independent of our own. Despite this, some people spend so much time and effort trying to get their spouses, family members and friends to act differently.

You are the only one who can decide and control your actions, so why should it be any different with others?

Our Looks, Height, Skin Colour

We can dress more stylishly and exercise to lose weight and get bigger muscles, but we cannot change the basic way we look.

Our height, skin colour, body type, and looks are features that we should learn to accept and love. We have heard about people who are obsessed with plastic surgery, hair implants and the way they look.

These people are never satisfied with the way they look. The more we accept ourselves the way we are, the happier we will be.

Ironically, this self-acceptance and confidence also make us more attractive to others.

Pain

Each of us will no doubt experience pain and rejection in our lives. It’s part of being human.

This could be in the form of emotional, physical, or psychological pain. We fall down and hurt ourselves, our feelings get hurt, we face disappointments, disease, etc.

It is part of life.

This pain is unavoidable, but the suffering associated with it is optional. Why? Because if we accept the fact that each and every single one of us will experience pain at some point in our lives, we do not have the expectations to be pain-free.

We also do not spend countless hours focusing on that pain and making the situation worse. That causes needless suffering.

Change Itself

Lastly, we cannot change the fact that change itself is inevitable, it’s part of life.

Much of depression, sadness and anxiety that people experience is because they do not accept change. Many of us are terrified of change so we cling to what we want to preserve.

Whether it is health, materialism, loved ones, wealth — the last one thing we can be certain of is that it will not last.

Change is inevitable and there is nothing we can do about it. The sooner we accept the fact that everything changes at some point, the less we cling and the happier we become.

All You Need to Know

If we want to be truly happy and at peace, it is essential that we accept the things we cannot change and have no control over. Instead, we should focus on the aspects of our lives that we want to and actually can change.

Wisdom is knowing what we can change and what we cannot. Doing this leads to peace, serenity, happiness, and freedom.

Are you often focusing on things you cannot control or change?